but there's a danger in loving somebody too much, and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.

If for some reason you're still reading this:

I don't understand anything right now, and I feel like a total idiot. How silly of me to think that you were happy with me. It isn't like you said you were, like a bunch of times before suddenly having a change of heart. I don't know what to believe. I said I was going to save any angsty shit for my (friends locked) lj, and my livejournal friends are prolly gonna get an extra special earful sometime soon, but I just had to post something here, now, for some reason. So, in light of recent events, and because I've been reading High Fidelity, the bible of music and breakups (did I jinx myself by taking it out of the library when things were good?), here's a list (couldn't narrow it down to top 5, because that kind of thing's for people that have it all together) of some of my favorite break-up songs:

Fleetwood Mac- "Dreams"



There are so many FM/Stevie songs I could've gone with...I mean, Rumours is like the ultimate breakup album of all time. Heartache, Betrayal, Regret, Making the other regret way more than you--it's all there. Oh, also, this one, "Silver Springs". Nuff Said. I am sad that I couldn't find the video from "The Dance", though. There are some songs that work better with Stevie being older, with a more worn voice.



Sleater-Kinney- "One More Hour"



'For You Things Were Just Night And Day'
I'm pretty sure I was in a relationship and fairly happy when I first heard this song on XPN while driving past the mall with my mom. But I fell in love with it immediately and for some reason I knew it would be a comforting song to me, someday. So I immediately went home and googled whatever lyrics I could pick out to find out what it was. I had heard of Sleater-Kinney, but never actually heard their songs. Turns out I liked them. Anyways, raw emotion, pure talent, and right about now I appreciate having a song about a lesbian relationship around to console me.

No Doubt- "Don't Speak"



I'm pretty sure Tragic Kingdom was the first CD I owned--though I might be blocking out some Spice Girls tape or summat that I got first. Anyways, clearly as a 6 year old I didn't understand the idea of losing somebody and being in denial about it and just wanting it all to go away. It would take me quite some time to understand all that went into the song, in fact, but at the time I still could sense something so real about the song.

You know what all of the above have in common? They were written by one member of the band about another member. Like, they were chained to their exes, forced to perform/listen to songs about their failed relationships forever and ever (okay, so S-K broke up ten years later so I guess Corrin and Carrie are off the hook now, but seriously, Fleetwood Mac?). I could avoid seeing this somebody almost completely if I wanted to with no damage to say, my career. It's not like I'm touring throughout the country with her.

Anyways, moving right along...

Atomic Kitten-"Last Goodbye"



I don't know, it takes me back to when I was like 14 and was happiest when left by myself; I'm sure it's not healthy but I miss the feeling of not needing anybody.

Scandal- "Goodbye To You"



Why aren't break-ups spunky and bubblegum colored in real life? Why can't I transform into Patty Smyth right now? It was a toss-up between this song with the band or her duet with Don Henley, "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough". Actually, I'll close this list out for the time being with that one.



I've loved all these songs for a while, but never really connected (I hate that word, "connect"), with them until now. I don't know if making this list has made things better or worse, but it's let me get stuff out and that's what I needed.